


Electric Six Was Right About You Babe

by The Notorious Trollop Vo the Terrible (Voishen)



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Biscotti, Car Sex, Coffee Shops, Darcy Lewis is internet famous, Dinner, Everyone should fear Darcy, F/M, Loki Does What He Wants, Office Sex, Oral Sex, Steve Rogers and Masturbation, That one time we found out too much about Asguardian rights of passage, pencils are useful, strange ways to say I love you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voishen/pseuds/The%20Notorious%20Trollop%20Vo%20the%20Terrible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis should know by now that Loki is the way he is and no amount of punishment, affection, or steamy office sex is going to change who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darcy hadn’t actually gotten any work done that day. Instead she’s spent most of her time on tumblr looking at funny pictures of fat cats. She’s at ease today, whenever some serious looking person in official shield attire passed her cubicle she just quickly pulls up the spread sheets she’d made for Jane last week. She knows her “working face” isn’t exactly convincing when she really isn’t working, but so far no one had actually called her out on being ridiculously lazy. Luckily Coulson was out doing god knows what in god knows where (swinging from a vine shooting an Uzi at militant mutants in the Amazon Basin). And Hill was wherever Fury put her when he didn’t need her to run his floating, screaming metal death trap ( latex body suit clad with switch in hand over a ball gagged Nick Fury). So Darcy pretty much would go unchallenged by the underlings.

Technically they were not HER underlings, but being best friends with one of the Avengers’ girlfriends definitely gave her added authority. That and the rumor in the office is that Darcy is the one running the secret tumblr page dedicated to posting sexy photographs of the Avengers in surprisingly domestic situations. The candid photo of Steve getting out of the shower inspired fifteen companies to ask him to do an endorsement, including Old Spice. Darcy was very proud of Old Spice, so she made a gif of it and posted it right along with all of the other semi-pornographic images on her page. To ask if Darcy Lewis is internet famous is like asking if Steve Rogers masturbates. It’s true, everyone knows it’s true but no one knows when, where, or how they manage it with all of the other crap that goes on at SHEILD. Also, if either of them ever got caught they’d both probably die. Steve would die of internal combustion brought on by embarrassment, and Darcy would die by “falling” off the Hellicarier into the Arctic Ocean wearing a pair of cement shoes; who exactly would be “helping” her into the ocean depends on whether or not Steve is still alive.

                Darcy Lewis does however have one Ace up her sleeve in the form of her not really ‘boyfriend’ boyfriend. Darcy posts her smut with confidence for one reason and one reason only, because she knows Hel, Hell, and the Hulk know no fury like that of her ‘boyfriend’ in a bad mood. Typical bad moods for normal people result in, low work productivity, sour faces, ass chewing, and if you’re Tony Stark, weapons grade

uranium shortages. And as terrible as those things can be in an office where everyone carries a gun and a license to kill(except Darcy ,she carries a Taser. duh) none of it comes close to what happens when some unfortunate idiot manages to piss off the resident ex-villain,slightly unstable, alien prince of Asguard and Jutonheim.

                Six months ago George from Press misspelled Loki’s last name. Apparently “Laufison” is an unforgivable insult, especially when everyone knows he prefers to go by Odinson in Midguardian media. George went four days trapped inside one of Dr. Banner’s Gama radiation exposure machines. The poor man had to stay nearly perfectly still, upright, and without food or water while Dr. Banner had to figure out how to take the machine apart to even get to where the poor man was trapped. Dr. Ross had to be called in along with the world’s only contortionist/ trained rescue worker/ professor of biosafety. George is now catatonic in a home in upstate New York. Darcy refused to have sex with Loki for a week as punishment for being, “a perfect example of why Houdini, Evil Canivel, and Chris Angel are not allowed to have freaky tri-parent babies!” To which Loki replied, “other than all three of those people are male?” To which Darcy uttered, “That’s never stopped you before.”

                Two months ago Laura from Munitions made the mistake of say saying Loki should use less product in his hair. Unfortunately someone was unable to contain one brief quip of laughter. Laura then gained thirty five pounds of body fat over the next week and a half. Laura is now known to anyone within ear shot of Loki as “fat Laura”. Darcy’s response was not sexual deprivation; instead she took penance in the form of making Loki take Thor and Steve clothes shopping. Fifteen hours of agonizing lack of fashion sense, the worst case of bizarre sizes, and paparazzi later, Loki made a deal with Darcy so that if he turned Laura back to normal he would never have to take either Thor or Steve shopping again. Laura is now pretty good friends with Darcy.

                Loki’s latest bitch-fit happened a week ago this time involving Jane from Astropsychics/Thor’s Suite. Loki is generally pretty good about sharing his brother’s time with Thor’s mortal girlfriend. Loki and Jane don’t talk much and neither of them see each other outside of the time they spend mutually with their

common bond. So Jane tries to plan her schedule with work out ahead of time then she tells Thor when she has time to spend with him and then Thor tells Loki when he has time to spend with Loki. The system has been working well thus far and all parties are satisfied. Except a week ago Thor was supposed to go back to Asguard to help Loki go steal some runes when suddenly Jane happened to unexpectedly have the day off. Catastrophic power grid failure tends to shut down the tech departments, and since Nick Fury has yet to let Stark integrate arch reactor technology into SHEILD facilities for security reasons, Jane suddenly had her weekend freed up. Thor left a note for Loki on the door of the fridge saying he and Jane were going to the beach. Loki was incensed beyond consolation. Thor spent his day at the beach with Jane fighting off Jormugandr while Loki yelled at him from the Serpent's head.

                Nick Fury personally asked Darcy to use her powers over the god to make him split a seam. So Darcy Lewis, mad genius that she is, decided to use the oldest trick in her arsenal, The Silent Treatment. At first Loki thought it was stupid. Surely she didn’t think that would bother HIM of all people?! What Loki failed to account for could be simply surmised by saying, everything. Despite what most of SHEILD has been lead to believe Loki didn't actually do much on earth. The primary reason he hung around is to pay penance by assisting the Avengers and to be with those very few people he actually likes. He can count the people he likes on one hand; his mother, Thor, Tony Stark, and Darcy. Since Thor has been angry at him since the beach Thor has been avoiding him. Tony doesn’t want to get in between Darcy and Loki when they’re in a fight, because hey it’s hard being popular. Frigga lives on Asguard and she does not make visits. And Darcy who he cherishes above all others has not spoken to him since she screamed at him about giant sea serpents being unusual in Jersey this time of year.

                If Darcy didn’t maintain an enormous fan following on the internet she might have been lonely. Well, lonelier. Darcy talks to Loki about everything even when he gives mute answers. Darcy’s favorite part of the day happens in Loki’s arms right before they go to bed when she shows him all the fabulous things she’s found on the internet and he tells her what he thinks of the expressions on cat’s faces or

whatever she’s found to show him. The novelty of the Alien Prince, God Loki looking at cat pictures with her has not left her yet. Loki hopes it never will because it makes Darcy smile.

                And so as Darcy scrolls down her dashboard on tumblr her eyes start to water at the sight of an enormous black cat making a weird face at the person holding it. It doesn’t help that she has five different pictures with Loki somewhere in them set around her office desk. Amidst the Lucky Cat, a pencil sharpener made to look like a camera, and her collection of vinyl Avengers bobble heads she has a picture of her and her friends at their big date night last month with a few smaller pictures to the sides. The picture she took herself of Loki kissing her below the ear is her favorite. It’s in a vintage clay frame decorated with blue moons that she bought especially for that picture.

“Maybe I should just give it up already I’m not getting anything done”, she thinks as she nibbles on the end of her pencil. “I mean, Jesus, it’s been seven days, how long does Fury expect me to keep this up? I’m not even mad at him anymore that was kind of a dick move on Thor’s part in the first place. Hot girlfriend or not, you do not leave your bro for a day at the beach! So what if it ended up on the internet and international news? Everything’s on the internet anyway! Besides there is nothing wrong with film of Thor fighting shirtless. Absolutely nothing. Jane should have known Loki would be upset, she knows he wants those runes for that one thing I don’t understand but plan to ask about whenever I decide it’s okay to talk to Loki again. Maybe I should just call him, tell him I’m not mad and then tell him I’ll stop ignoring him and we can get back to our glorious sex life with sides of semi-non-committal romance.” Darcy thinks as she searches through her purse on the floor for her phone. She grumbles more to herself about getting a new purse when suddenly she’s being spun around forcefully in her chair. Darcy flails and squeaks.

                “Do not attempt to injure me with that awful device please.” Loki says in a soft voice. Darcy slowly pulls the Taser back into her purse from whence it came.  She continues to make eye contact as Loki looks her over methodically. He’s got both of his hands firmly on the armrests of her office chair, his face is as close as it can

be to hers without either of them going cross-eyed in each other’s gaze. Darcy swallows her surprise. “Hey.” She says meekly. Loki closes his eyes in relief, a smile grows out of his line of a mouth.

                “Do you intend to speak to me now freely or must I force every response from you with such aggressive behavior?” He raises his brow and opens his eyes. Darcy can hear the lusty tones in his voice that he uses sometimes to make his famous innuendos, but today they’re not intentional. He’s frustrated she decides.

                “No, I think you’ve been satisfactorily –” his lips silence her with soft open kisses. Instantly she falls into rhythm with his mouth, his hands cup the back of her head eagerly pulling her deeper into the kiss. Darcy loses her head completely as he kisses her, her surroundings suddenly absent.  Her mouth leaves his with a wet popping noise that reengages her with the world. Darcy scans the area realizing that now is not the opportune time for makeup sex, which is exactly where this is headed fast. “Loki I’m, well, I should be working on … stuff.” Honestly she had no idea what it was she was supposed to be doing. Loki grins as he kneels down in front of her chair. “Truly you can’t be so busy investigating-” he casts a glance at her screen. “–cats, to indulge me with some of your welcomed company.” Darcy watches his mouth stay just slightly open so that the bottom row of his teeth is barely visible. Darcy chases away memories of those teeth by letting her face fall back against his. At first she simply rests her forehead upon his, then he kisses her again. This time they are slow, still, and passionate in their exchange. She doesn’t even notice when his hand brushes up under her skirt. Her brow furrows as she feels his lips turn up at the sides.

She opens her eyes and gawks at the hungry look he’s got in those deep green eyes of his. Her body stiffens as he deposits her underwear on her desk next to the Lucky Cat. She glances down at her skirt then up into his face with dismay. “Loki!” She cries in a low raspy whisper “we’re in an office building there are people everywhere! I know you’re kind of an exhibitionist but I have to work here every day!” Darcy’s

face and collar areas flush a light salmon color. Loki rolls his eyes and tilts his head.

“Do you think me not skilled enough to make you come apart publicly without notice?” It’s a challenge; Darcy knows he lives for challenges. Darcy squeezes her eyes shut trying not to let her excitement cloud her judgment. Quickly she harangues her shoulders around so she can see how many people are still around. Darcy sighs and relents. 

“Okay, it’s lunch; almost everybody is downstairs we can screw for-” Loki didn’t want or need to hear the plan. Loki, God of mischief naturally hates plans that he himself doesn’t orchestrate. Loki covers her mouth with one hand while laying her out on her desk with the other. A few of Darcy’s knick-knacks roll to the sides. Loki removes his hand from her mouth and gently pushes her knees apart. Darcy’s eyes are as wide as they get, she purses her lips and throws her Captain America bobble head at him. His smirk is too charming to stay mad at. She lets him rock his hips against her splayed inner thighs. Her lower lip turns inward as she bites it. He doesn’t not brush against her nearly as hard as she wants him to. Loki runs his hands under her skirt down the outside of her thighs. His hands tickle her skin until he finds what he’s looking for. Darcy scowls as Loki loops his fingers around her garters. Loki’s got an eyebrow cocked at her now as she pushes herself up onto her elbows.  His hands are in easy feeling position on her ass but he doesn’t seem to be in any great hurry. Darcy continues to give him a contemptuous pout even as she bares the column of her throat to him. Her gleaming pale skin is radiant even in office lighting, he thinks. Finally he grinds their hips together as he leans forward to kiss her from clavicle to lips.

Darcy’s shivers as he runs the tips of his teeth along her skin just before planting a sloppy kiss on her throat. She sits up more and wraps her writs around the back of his neck. Loki’s mouth jumps from its place on her jaw up to her mouth and suddenly things become fast and anxious. Darcy digs her nails into his scalp as she runs her fingers up into his hair. Loki’s hands plunge to the inside of her thighs, he pushes

two fingers into her entrance as he thrusts his clothed arousal against her. Loki silences her cry with his mouth but the moan is still audible. Darcy silently curses herself for having no control over her own sex noises. Well, actually, she does –  just not with Loki for a reason she knows better than anyone. Loki shuffles his hand out of her skirt and onto her desk, he rummages blindly for a minute before finding what he’s looking for. Wordlessly he parts from her mouth. Darcy opens her eyes in time to see him very nonchalantly put a number two pencil in his mouth and make “voilà” hands as if displaying some kind of invention. At first look she thinks this is the funniest thing she’s ever seen. But before she can do her usual snort-laugh Loki overcomes her again this time oh-so-expertly passing her the pencil with his tongue. With the pencil crosswise between her teeth it takes little imagination on what she’s supposed to do with it when Loki thrusts his length into her unexpectedly. Loki pauses once completely inside her, partially to let her get comfortable and partially to look at her cross-eyed expression with that pencil in her mouth. Darcy exhales slowly and says another mental prayer that lunch is really good today. Darcy fumbles for a grip on something that isn’t Loki, she grasps the edge of the table signaling Loki to move again. Satisfied that she is anchored to something Loki leans over the desk and presses one palm on the wall in front of him and the other on the desk next to Darcy’s head. Darcy her insides clench as he thrusts into her hard enough to make her whole body jerk. Her knees and thighs quake beyond her control. Loki moves in and out of her at an angle that feels to Darcy like scratching an itch too slowly to get relief. As she wraps her legs around his waist one of her high heels falls off. In hopes of getting more purchase on the situation she pulls him forward with her legs. It doesn’t change anything he won’t budge unless he wants to. “How he can be this hard and this calm isn’t human! But it’s not human at all is it? I want you to fuck me not amaze me!” Darcy manages to think between slow rough thrusts. Loki takes his hand off the wall to remove the high heel stabbing at his hip. Then Darcy gets an idea, “More dammit!” Before he can remove the shoe Darcy spurs him with it. Loki gasps and presses his hand back to the wall. Darcy doesn’t usually play rough with Loki because she’s afraid of where it might end up going. But judging by

the look on his need-driven face, she thinks Mr. Self-control can handle it. “As you wish my lady; I can take a hint,” Loki whispers.

Darcy’s desk moves forward and then backward between three to four inches away from the wall every half second. Darcy swoons as her orgasm builds rapidly. Loki keeps his pace even after Darcy bites the pencil in half. Darcy opens her mouth and the pencil halves fall out as she moans. She pants in surprise when her mouth is free, the taste of graphite and wood lingers on her tongue. Loki can’t help it; that look on her face of absolute breathless wonder is his undoing. He pulls her up off the desk to kiss her senselessness away. Her wrists collide together as they entwine behind his head. Theirs is not even a kiss anymore; it’s a fight to express whose passion for the other is stronger. Loki staggers backward into the wall only a few feet behind him he whips around pinning her body to the wall with his. She can’t make noise, she can’t think, she can hardly multitask between kissing him and writhing in the ecstasy he’s giving her. The angle he thrusts into her at just barely misses that spot she’s practically mewling for, but she can feel herself teetering on the edge. Sweat builds on the back of Loki’s neck where she clutches at him. He knows he’s too close to slow down and reposition her above him, he also knows her co-workers will return from feasting soon. Darcy acts first. Darcy kicks her remaining heel off and unclenches her legs from his waist. Loki pulls out of her begrudgingly, bewildered by her actions. She pulls him over to her as she lays chest down bent over her desk. Loki can only quirk one corner of his open mouth as he enters her again. A soft gasp escapes him. Darcy clenches her fists as he frantically adjusts his hips to hit the spot inside her he has practically mapped. It only takes a few hard thrusts before they come together. Loki lies over her as he breathes deeply to stop his candid panting. Darcy is flushed all over and her eyes are cloudy. She bites a knuckle as her orgasm dissipates leaving her feeling weak.

Loki stands up once he’s certain he won’t shake or wobble. She joins him but her knees buckle. Loki steadies her instinctively. Darcy turns her head to kiss her not-boyfriend. Loki holds her there as he waves one hand absent-mindedly. In an instant, Darcy’s desk returns to its normal condition. As she lets him play with her mouth

with his, Darcy re-fastens the front of his pants while Loki smooths her skirt back down over her ass. Having completed his task, Loki opens a desk drawer and brushes Darcy’s underwear into it. Loki sits down in Darcy’s office chair, Darcy sits in his lap. The both of them sigh in unison in a sort of knowing comical moment. They laugh at their understanding of one another.

“Want to see what I found on the internet today?” Darcy asks as she wakes up her computer. 

Loki laces his arms around her waist and sets his head on her shoulder. “I thought this was a bedtime ritual?” Loki utters softly. 

Darcy blushes. “I didn’t realize you noticed.”

He delays his response awhile Darcy opens her web browser, before mumbling and shrugging. Darcy beams. 

“Still, this kind of meets the requirements, in the time surrounding sex, you holding me like this, this feels right to me.” 

Loki kisses the top of her shoulder to pass the time before she finds the picture. He looks up at the screen lazily.

“Fine. But I’ll have you know post-sex is a terrible time to demand my attention anywhere other than where it’s already been.” That being said as soon as his eyes focus on the screen his face turns all quizzical and expressive. His content afterglow smile fades to his best intrigued grin. “What on earth is that cat thinking? And why does that human woman find it so grotesque?” Darcy leans her head against his thoughtfully.

“My guess is, the girl is thinking, ‘gee what a big stinky cat, he shouldn’t use his children to terrorize people.’ And the cat is thinking, ‘I do what I want’.” 

Loki leans his head against hers. “Well played. You’ll make a Liesmith’s girlfriend yet.” 

Darcy holds her breathe momentarily. “I thought we weren’t really a couple like that?!” she says, in surprise but certainly not in distress. 

Loki’s eyebrows sink deep over his eyelids and knit tightly together. “My dear, what exactly do you think we’ve been doing together these past months?” There is far too little humor in his tone. 

Darcy shrugs. “I don’t know, I thought we were keeping this casual. Whatever this is!” 

Loki’s arms are like bars around her waist; they do not squeeze or impede her expressions, but they bind her to him with near unbreakable force. Loki sits up so he no longer slouches over her.

People walk down the hallway back to their cubicles. None of them notice that Darcy is not alone in her small work space. Loki presses his lips just by her ear so that he is not overheard. “Let me be clear then, while my intentions for this relationship can hardly be described as committal, my feelings for you are far from merely ‘casual’. They have never been such and likely never will be. And although I may never compose a sonnet or ballad professing the emotions you cause in me, never doubt that the love I feel for you is of great concern to me and by no means ‘casual’!” 

Despite his chiding tone she does not miss his message. Darcy turns to look at him over her shoulder. Loki sits back in her chair and looks down his nose at her, waiting for her response to his unintentional emotional outpouring. He searches her face looking for signs that she finds his feelings repulsive.

Darcy is too stunned to speak. At first she can only look at him with childish apprehension. Though she’d long had such strong feelings for him, Darcy doubted that she was anything more than his Midguardian trollop. She thinks about her words for a few seconds before speaking. 

“That’s the best way to say I love you I’ve ever heard.”

Loki bursts back into a smile instantly. He picks her up out of the chair and kisses her chastely. 

“And I’ve seen a lot of Julia Roberts’s movies!” She exclaims. 

Loki chuckles softly as she takes his hands. 

“So does my boyfriend want lunch then?” 

Loki rolls his eyes.

“Yes, lunch would be delightful.” He follows her down the hall to the elevator.

…

Tony stands at the kitchen island in a strange state of aroused awe. The screen that he had intended to tell him the weather only just finished playing the security camera video feed of two of his friends fucking. Steve sits next to him on a bar stool in much the same state but in a hundred times the stunned horror. Steve’s glass of milk has been shattered in his grip since Loki removed Darcy’s underwear. The fragments still remain unattended. Bruce has been turned around watching the toast burn ever since Tony brought up the screen to see what the ‘weather’ is going to be like. His experience has only been the audio side of the footage. Stark industries security tech is the best in the world for a reason, superior recording is available that picks up phone conversation quality sound. That being said, the sound quality on this particular recording might be the highest of any ever made by a Stark device. What’s more impressive, is that somehow a stationary security camera that was nowhere near Darcy Lewis’ cubicle somehow managed to get an eye level in focus perfect play-by-play of the aforementioned event.

Bruce speaks first. “Is anybody going to try and give me an explanation for what just happened?” 

Tony leans on the counter. “I don’t know about you, nor do I want to know. But I’m going to the bathroom for a while.” 

With that, the three Avengers left the kitchen at a stiff, slow pace.


	2. Okay So Let Me Get This Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The natural outcomes of last chapter with one more chappy to be posted later.

 

                “Okay so let me get this straight. You filmed us?” Darcy peers at Loki over her cup of coffee with contempt. The god of lies snorts as he continues to stir his coffee with a biscotti. “That is not precisely what I did, but it is an accurate enough description to be described as ‘true’.” Darcy stabs at the biscotti with her fork.

                “Don’t mash words with me! You probably traumatized Steve!” Darcy grunts with displeasure. She checks her surroundings, the coffee shop they’re sitting in is crowded enough to be noise. She doesn’t think they’ll be overheard. “How much of it did you send them? And better question, why did you make porn of us then send it to ours friends in the first place?” Darcy spits at him. Loki’s Cheshire cat grin has been a long time  coming; he finally gets to spill the punch line of his latest practical joke.

                “Because I thought it was a Midguardian custom my dear Darcy. You yourself seem to do such things quite often.” Loki hisses. Loki leans over the table and sets his jaw in the palm of his resting arm. Darcy leans in with him. “You’re very well aware it’s not, and I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Darcy growls. Loki’s eyes gesture to the woman sitting on a stool nearby, she types away on her laptop as she drinks her coffee. Darcy’s mouth slips open.

                “This is about my blog?! What does this have to do with my blog, my blog isn’t about me it’s about…oh.” Darcy slows down as some of Loki’s plot starts to unravel itself. Loki raises an eyebrow expectantly as if to say ‘continue’. Darcy clears her throat, “You sent it to my blog’s ‘subjects’ huh?” Loki nods knowingly. His eyes dazzle with amusement. “But why would you do that!?” Darcy squawks. ”What did I do to deserve that kind of attention!? Did I do something wrong?” Loki sips his coffee and looks out the window. Darcy grumbles. “So what now I’m getting the silent treatment?” Loki scoffs.

                “No I’m simply letting you come to your own natural conclusions. You’re doing a pretty good job actually. You’ve only just missed the big point, that’s all.” The sarcasm practically drips from his mouth. Loki’s attention turns back to her as he speaks. “So Darcy Lewis, woman of Midguard, lover of internet, object of my affections, why do I feel the need to not so humbly boast of our physical conquests to those who need not know of it otherwise?” Loki’s sullen expression quickly switches to an ironic smile once he finishes speaking. Darcy suddenly becomes mournful when the point finally hits her.

                “You’re jealous!?” She practically shouts. Loki glances awkwardly at the few people who notice her outburst. Loki clears his throat and gestures at the people to try and signal her to calm down. Loki Odinson’s cheeks lightly flush. Darcy can’t stop herself from laughing. She plants her head into her folded arms on the table. Loki growls, he does not find this as amusing as she. Darcy gasps for air. “You, of all people, are jealous because I take pictures of my hot co-workers! So to make yourself feel better you send them a video of us fucking! Loki that is both brilliant and moronic on so many levels! Why are you so threatened by them?” Darcy’s smile melts the stern look Loki had been trying to hold into a pout. He relents with a sigh.

                “You shouldn’t take so much consideration of others when you yourself are spoken for.” He practically mumbles. Darcy explodes into another convulsive fit of giggles. She has to face plant again to keep from drawing attention from the whole coffee shop. Inevitably, at some point someone would recognize Loki and it would be bad if she didn’t quite down. Not to mention Loki is bordering on actual embarrassment which is by far too cruel to allow. The god of mischief plays absentmindedly with the paper rapper of a straw while he waits for his mortal girlfriend to silence herself.

                “Okay so…” Darcy finally manages. “Let me just, I don’t think I can handle saying this.” She snorts and chokes down another laugh. For once Loki is not amused by her amusement. Darcy tries again, “You‘re jealous, because you’re afraid I post all those pictures because you’re not man enough for me.” Loki’s throat makes a quite death rattle noise as she hits the nail on the head. Darcy kicks her feet as his reaction confirms her suspicion. Loki zones out and looks pathetically at the floor. Darcy has never seen him so out of his element before. Clearly Loki must have been agonizing over this for a while. “Why didn’t you just manipulate the situation so we didn’t have to have this conversation if it makes you so uncomfortable?” Loki glares up at her with sudden ferocity.

                “I did, I sent the Avengers images of our intercourse via technology-“Darcy cut him off. “It’s called a sex tape.” She quips. Loki inhales deeply to calm his frustration. Darcy groans. “Oh god calm down! I’m just having fun I’ve never been more comfortable than you in a situation like this one before!” Loki sighs in distaste.

                “Nor have I ever been so utterly awkward. I’m not awkward. I’m the utmost opposite of awkward. I’m silver-tongued, by Odin! You are a merciless vampire on my emotions you know that?” Darcy smirks and leans over the table to where he’s still perched. She surprises him by giving him a sharp nip on his neck followed by a hard sucking kiss on that spot that would most certainly leave a hickey on a normal human. Loki can’t stop the noise he makes so he slaps a hand to his mouth to muffle it. Before Darcy can argue with him he’s grabbed her wrist and begun walking very fast with her toward the back exist. Darcy lets herself be pulled out of the shop and out into the street where their limo waits for them. Loki opens the door for her and she slips into the limo without question. Darcy barley has time to scoot over before Loki’s sat down next to her and closed the door. Loki tells the driver to go to a restaurant that he’s taken Darcy to before. It’s about half an hour away with good traffic, but she can think of plenty of good places to eat closer than that. And then he’s on top of her. The drivers screen is up, the windows are tinted, and he is hard against her thigh.

                Darcy sighs as Loki expertly undoes the buttons on her shirt. “Really? We’re in a moving vehicle!” Darcy says as she undoes his belt buckle and pants in turn. Loki doesn’t rush as he pulls off his own jacket.

                “Well you should have thought of that before you goaded me on.” He clicks his tongue as she arches her back off the seat. Loki reaches under her and undoes the clasp of her bra with ease.

                “You know most men struggle with that.” Darcy says as she lies back down. Loki rolls his eyes as he removes her bra.

                “Most men don’t have a D cup from time to time.” His right eyebrow twitches upward. Darcy cups her own breasts and begins massaging them in response. Loki inhales sharply.

                “Well I have them all the time, and mine are natural. So ha!” She quips. Loki’s mouth plunges onto her left breast with gusto. He licks and sucks in circles around her nipple before licking it slowly with a flat tongue. Darcy’s hands push past the fabric of his pants to cup him through his underwear. Loki nips her as she lightly squeezes. Darcy yips. One hand pulls the hem of his boxer-briefs away from his skin while the other darts under the fabric. She lightly cups his shaft while her other hand drags his clothes down past his hips. “ Sit back and relax!” She commands.

Loki can’t help but obey as she gently strokes him. Loki reclines in his seat. His eyes are half lidded as he watches her kneel before him. Darcy pushes her hair back behind her shoulders as she hunkers down on his lap. Her eyes are on his penis as she addresses him. “First off I’m not apologizing for having sexy co-workers. That is beyond my control.” Loki’s head lolls back as she breathes heavily onto him. She runs her tongue around the ridge where the head of his penis connects with the shaft. Loki twitches as she takes the head into her mouth. She sucks momentarily before backing off. Loki groans with need. She doesn’t oblige. “That being said you are bat shit crazy if you think I’m not satisfied with what we’ve got going on here.” She exhales onto him before she uses a flat tongue to lick the underside of his length. She bumps his shaft with her nose. She rotates her position on him so she can cup his balls with one hand while she works. She licks his underside again this time going all the way down to the base of his shaft. As she works her way back up to the head she lightly nibbles him through her lips in between kisses. Loki grasps onto the door handle as his façade crumbles. He clenches his eyes shut as he takes deep breaths through his mouth.

Loki’s breathe shutters as she slowly licks along his ridge before taking him into her mouth in earnest. She sucks him as she takes his length into the back of her throat. Darcy Lewis hasn’t had a gag reflex since freshman year of college. She hums as she moves up and down with her lips. She makes a ring next to her mouth with her thumb and forefinger. She lightly squeezes him as she takes him in again. Loki throws his head back. He’s so close. Darcy can taste the pre-cum on her tongue. She hollows out her cheeks as she slides her mouth away from him. Loki’s eyes snap open and he gasps. “What are you doing you sadistic woman?!” His tone betrays how much he needs her touch. Darcy smirks up at him triumphantly.

“Ignore my blog, it doesn’t mean anything. Ignore the guys, I don’t need them. Pay attention to what I’m doing now and don’t ever forget who I prefer ten times out of ten. The truth is you’re almost more man than I can handle.” She’s facing down her challenge as she speaks. Managing to fit his full length into her mouth is a task fit for Porn Stars and people with enormous throats. “Almost.” Though Darcy is not a Porn Star Darcy is, according to a four-college-panel of Frat boys, the Queen of Blow Jobs. Darcy takes a deep breath. She takes him into her mouth and into the back of her throat and swallows. Loki’s breath hitches as she firmly squeezes his balls. He moans as he comes into the back of her throat. Darcy swallows again for good measure before releasing him.

She clears her throat and straightens up. She pulls her bra back on and buttons up her shirt as if getting dressed for the first time today. Loki watches her in awe. His head still swims with endorphins. Darcy smiles mischievously. “ Better straighten yourself up, we’re almost there.” Loki squints at her as he smirks.

“Merciless, miraculous woman, you both sooth and wound me so effortlessly. How could I have ever resisted your charms as long as I did?” Darcy takes out a makeup compact from her purse. She checks her hair to make sure it looks kind of normal.

“Save the sweet talk for after dinner. Why did we come here in the first place? Why not just go home?” She questions. Loki pouts. Darcy turns to look at him only to be accosted by another deep passionate kiss. Loki can taste himself in her mouth. _It’s kind of satisfying in a disgusting fluidy way_ , he thinks. The limo comes to a halt outside the restaurants front entrance. Loki pulls his mouth away from hers.

“Because we’re meeting people for dinner. Don’t you remember?” Darcy blinks with surprise.

“Oh!” Suddenly she feels very weird about giving Loki head right before eating dinner with his brother. Darcy blushes furiously as Loki helps her out of the limo. Darcy smacks him with her clutch in a silent, I blame you! Loki beams self-satisfaction back at her as she takes his arm. Darcy looks down and realizes she’s wearing a fancy dinner dress and more importantly she does not look like she was doing what she was just doing. Loki, while slightly more formal, looks just as god as he always does. Darcy swoons at him for his thoughtfulness. Once they get to the top of the stairs she throws her arms around his shoulders and kisses him. Loki wraps his arms around her waist lovingly. She leans her head against his chest with a sigh of contentment just as Thor, Jane, Tony, Pepper, Natasha, Barton, and Steve walk over to meet them. Thor clears his throat.

“Perhaps that can wait until later this evening?” He inquires. Darcy and Loki look at each other knowingly as they suppress laughter.

“Yes right, good idea!” Darcy chirps as the waiter brings the group to their table.


	3. Let Me Get This Straight-er

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it was bound to come up sooner of later. I guess the strange thruth about the Thor/Loki bromance finally gets to come to light at dinner with the Avengers. Cause we all know this group of weirdo's never does anything the normal way. This will be continued and finished in part four. Please comment I love comments so much. If you send me nice comments I'll even make this a series and do lots of random drabbles about Darcy and Loki living everyday normal(ish) lives. IF YOU ARE REALLY GOOD Darcy might get puppies that do not come from the pound!

It’s fair to say that of the three actual couples present the most stable of the three is Thor and Jane. That’s mainly because Thor has an incredibly loyal personality and since no one can find a reason why he shouldn’t be with Jane he’ll likely make her the future Queen of Asguard one of these days. It isn’t just that the two are infatuated with one another. They really do complement each other’s personalities. Thor plays too much and thinks too little, Jane works too hard and thinks too much. Together Thor makes Jane have fun every now and then while Jane makes him do work to get him to stop pestering her. They have fights just like everyone else. But Jane and Thor have silly not normal people kind of fights like, “are we spending the holidays in your dimension or mine”, “what do we get Odin for Christmas”, “do Asguardians celebrate Christmas?”, and “when are the Norse holidays anyway?”. 

Darcy’s favorite fights that she’s heard about are about their personal lives. Since Jane is her best friend Darcy is privy to information that no one else is. Since Loki is Darcy’s boyfriend and Thor’s brother she gets even more of the gossip than almost anyone else. Darcy does not tell Loki Jane’s private feelings because that is against best friend code. Loki understands and tells Darcy all about what ails Thor because he’s his brother and they have no sappy rules to their relationship. 

On one occasion Jane came to Darcy in tears because she and Thor were fighting about the maximum number of times they should have sex in a week.  Jane explained to her on end that the morning after sex with Thor is like the hour after having invasive surgery. She can’t walk well, everything hurts, sitting is almost impossible, and to top it all off she’s exhausted. Once the high from sex related hormones is over, she’s also pretty damn cranky about it too. Darcy thought this was awful so she asked Jane how many times Thor wanted to do this to her a week, to which Jane groaned miserably, “The highest he’ll go is twice a week! He won’t even discuss my number because he thinks he’ll kill me the chivalrous bastard!” Darcy openly laughed at her for the rest of the day before Jane finally told her to can it.

On another totally separate occasion Bruce Banner came crying to Darcy for help with the Thor/Jane couple. Thor and Jane had hit another crucial milestone in their relationship, the” kids?” talk. Jane, being a scientist, had headed the discussion off with the most important question of all.  Since Thor and Jane aren’t technically the same species, are they even genetically compatible enough to have children? The question needed answering. So Jane, being out of her element, went to Bruce who knows a lot about genetics. Bruce agreed to do a genetic exam on the two of them to test to see if they are capable of producing viable children.

This was all going well and good when suddenly Thor and Jane learned that this test would take TIME and that they would have to WAIT. Neither of them are any good at waiting when it comes to these sorts of things. So as the time ticked by the two of them slowly but surely began to pester Bruce into an almost Hulk provoking state of annoyance. Bruce came to Darcy for her assistance because he feared he might introduce Thor to the floor. Darcy showed up and managed to distract them with another life changing, bizarre, yet surprisingly relevant question, “What if your baby is a horse?” This successfully managed to distract the two of them long enough for Bruce to finish the test and confirm that yes, they can have normal children. The couple was so sickeningly happy Darcy left before they decided to procreate in the middle of Bruce’s lab. For that one, Bruce actually did threaten to go Hulk. The couple left but Bruce suspected it was because Jane likes the feel of mattresses better than bullet proof epoxy resin counters. In retrospect he doubts they even heard him.

For all their calamity they are the most stable couple. When Pepper and Tony fight it’s about much more serious things like, “Why do you spend so little time with me?”, “Why don’t you act like a horny teenager anymore?”, “ What do you think about when you drift off?”, and most importantly and frequently “WHAT HE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU ANS STEVE!?”. All of these are questions that Pepper wants to be able to answer because Tony’s response to all of them is a mystery. In almost all cases he simply answers “it’s nothing, don’t worry about it so much.” But it’s not ‘nothing’ and Pepper knows that. Darcy’s seen this too. Tony gets along with Darcy extremely well. Darcy likes technology as much as he does except Darcy doesn’t understand it. Darcy likes the Avengers as much as Tony does but she’s not one of them. Tony likes Tumblr as much as Darcy does, but even he can’t compete with her blog of nose-bleed death. But Tony has helped Darcy get some twisted photos of his team mates in oddly intimate settings. Tony thinks it’s hilarious. Darcy rewards him be letting him pick the ones she publishes of him. Not that the world hasn’t already seen every inch of Tony Stark in one magazine or another. The other Avengers on the other hand, have only a few unobstructed facial photos between them, let alone pics of their toned abs.  Tony called that an injustice, “the people of America have a right to this information!” he said. So together they set up elaborate schemes to take candid photo’s of everybody. This involved hidden cameras, high-jacked webcam feeds, one way mirrors, and in Thor’s case the word _SURPRISE_! Really it was amazing that no one had figured out who was responsible for the blog. Tony had a reasonable alibi because he was included in the mindless fan fair and everybody just thought Darcy was a troll not a contributor. Together the two of them have thus far managed to stay anonymous and forge a remarkably functional friendship through their common bond. Which is Steve’s butt for the record. So that’s why when Tony wants to confide something with her, Darcy doesn’t tell anyone what he says. After one of the worst fights between Tony and Pepper Darcy can remember, Tony got into his suit and flew out to Darcy’s apartment.

He texted her a heads up so she could meet him on the roof without waking Loki. Loki woke up anyway but he remained where he was at Darcy’s insistence. Wrapped in a thick blanket, she found him on top of her apartment building. He was less drunk than he ought to be. Normally when he and Pepper fight it’s a good thing if he drinks allot that means he’s not yelling back at her. Tony’s words hurt, when he uses them against Pepper they tend to work better than tank missiles. If he doesn’t drink more after the fight it’s a bad thing because that means he was in too big of a hurry to leave.

Tony sat with his mask up staring off into the confusion of lights in the distance. Darcy sat down next to him, ignoring the disgusting state of her roof.

“What was it about this time?” She didn’t need to ask, _are you okay? Did you fight? Do you want to talk about it?_ Because all of those questions don’t actually help or mean anything.  Tony sniffed and scratched his forehead.

“I think I might have finally done it this time Darce.” His expression did not change as he spoke. Darcy cringed.

“That bad? What was it that you said?” She sighed and leaned her head on her bent knee. Tony grumbled and mouthed words as he remembered exactly what was said.

“She said, you can’t keep telling me nothing is going on between you two while your actions keep saying something entirely different.” Darcy grimaced. Tony continued. “And I said, nothing’s going on between us. I’m with you and so long as I am there’s never going to be anything between Steve and I. And then she started crying. She never cries.” Darcy can tell this is eating him alive. Tony hangs his head. “How do I stop hurting her? I want her to be happy, but she’s happiest when she’s with me when I’m with her.” Tony scrubs his face with his gold titanium alloy glove. Darcy bumps him with her shoulder.

“There really isn’t much point to any of this. You love her, you always have she just doesn’t understand how much-“ Tony groans and cuts her off, “What she doesn’t understand is that I can still love her while I also have fucked up bro-mancy feelings for my Arian Adonis fellow superhero.”

“Does Steve know about any of this yet?” Darcy asks. Tony snorts.

“No! When was I supposed to mention that? In the middle of a battle, ‘oh heads up Cap I’m about to drop a metric-shit-ton of unrequited affection on you with a monsoon of guilt to top it off.’ Or how about before breakfast, ‘hey Cap, you’re looking spangley today. Guess what my girlfriend and I fight all the time because I won’t admit to her that I think your ass is just about as fine as bacon!’ Wait wrong expression. Or how about this, I’ll crawl into his bed in the middle of the night and right him a backwards detailed love note on his sixty billion ab-muscles; So that when he gets up to go brush his perfect, patriotic teeth he’ll have a nice little narrative to read to pass the time for two minutes-“ Darcy slaps him on the back of his helmet. Tony bobs his head and glowers at her.

“Stop it you’re going to make me laugh and this isn’t funny!” Darcy shakes her hand to try and make the sting go away. Tony huffs.

“Okay fine then Ricky lake, what should I do? I’m all ears, even stupid suggestions will be considered!” Darcy stands up and leans over him  so she can yell in his face.

“GO HOME! TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! TELL HER YOU ADMIT YOU THINK STEVE IS HOT! WHO DOESN’T THINK STEVE IS HOT!?” Darcy gasps, “She’s upset because she thinks something is going on with Steve, since nothing is going on with Steve there isn’t a problem. She’s afraid of what you’re not telling her! You have to tell her something or else she’s never going to trust you! Steve is as straight as a flag pole! You know this, I know this, Pepper knows this. You do love Pepper. A LOT. I think she can handle you appreciating one of the world’s greatest butts!” Darcy straightens up and adjusts her blankets before she puts her hands on her hips. Tony’s eyes moved back and forth as he calculated some unverifiable equation to solve for relationships. Finally he looked up at Darcy.

“That makes sense. This isn’t the worst thing she’s caught me doing.” Tony said it with less humor than he had on past occasions. Darcy quirked an eyebrow.

“What is the worst thing she’s caught you doing?” Darcy smiles. Tony didn’t need any time to answer that question.

“Face deep in a pile of cocaine, Scarface style, while butt ass naked in an orgy with a Vietnamese circus, three members of the Russian Ballet, five Victoria Secret models , and Mr. Universe in the Stark Industries Board of Directors meeting room five minutes before a meeting of said persons.” Darcy didn’t need time to give her reaction.

“Wow you are one perverted horn-dog, Steve would never date you!” Tony feigned sorrow as he stood up. Darcy smiled and held out her arms for a hug. Tony leaned his head to one side then grinned as he hugged her tight.

“You are a good woman Darcy Lewis. Loki doesn’t deserve you!” Tony said before releasing her. His face mask flipped down. Darcy snorts than chuckles.

“And you are a horrible man Tony Stark! Pepper doesn’t deserve you!” Tony threw his head back and laughed.

“You’re right!” He yelled as he took off into the night. Darcy is very proud to say that Tony hasn’t visited her on her roof since that night.

Natasha and Clint don’t have couple spats. That’s because they are not a couple. This bothers Barton, it bothers him tremendously.

Tony holds Peppers hand as she gracefully sits in her chair, he sits beside her. Natasha pulls her own chair out and sits before anyone can try anything chivalrous. Steve sits next to her, affectively blocking Barton from potential physical contact with Natasha. Thor, Darcy, and Loki sit inside the crescent shaped booth. Jane sits on Thor’s lap. Darcy rolls her eyes at how mushy they are. Loki shrugs, this is just normal Thor. And Jane is just so taken in by him she doesn’t argue. Tony reserved half the restaurant so they wouldn’t have to deal with all the awkward looks from nearby tables. There is a balcony where people can look up at where they’re sitting, children marvel up at them from time to time. Steve enjoys the fan fair when it’s just kids. Everybody knows that he tries to be a roll model. It’s the leering women that creep him out. Tony usually takes the brunt of that for Steve’s sake. Pepper gets it. She knows Steve is… sensitive. 

“Alright so what are we eating?” Tony says as he looks over the menu. Darcy spots a tasty sounding Panini.

“I’m thinking a number 63. Roast beef sounds delicious!” Steve nods in agreement.

“Yeah that sounds just about perfect.” Steve sets down his menu with satisfaction. Steve inevitably always orders whatever someone suggests first. Theories as to why run from, he’s super hungry always, he doesn’t want to pick something too expensive when someone else (Tony) is paying and that is best accomplished by having what others are having, or it might just be Steve’s easy going nature. In any case Tony always says,

“Better order five of those, the portions tend to run small here. That or just ask them to ‘Captain Size’ it, either way will probably work.” He says as his eyes still brows over the menu. Pepper makes a content noise, Tony bites his lip and looks at her attentively.

“Tony. they have our favorite Gewürztraminer! You know that one we had when we were in France last year for that awful conference?” Tony smiles at the fond memories of that particular wine.

“Ooo, let’s get a few bottles of that! One for the table, one for Thor, one for Loki, and um…” he looks at Steve. Steve looks at him like he’s mad. “Never mind, this stuff is way too expensive to try and get you drunk. That would be a waste of good wine!” Steve grumbles at Tony’s ludicrous excuses to spend money. Thor sets down his menu in frustration. Jane looks up at him in concern.

“What’s the matter?” She asks with the utmost concern. Loki gives a knowing look at his brother.

“The same thing that’s always the matter with Midguardian food, there isn’t enough of it. How you manage to nourish yourselves I’ll never understand.” Loki huffs, he sets down his menu after deciding on a rich soup. Thor looks miserable.

“There simply isn’t anything…” His expression goes blank as he searches for the word. Loki sips his water as he waits for his brother to come up with his thought. Darcy playfully smacks Loki’s shoulder to get him to stop making his ‘unimpressed eyebrows’. “It’s just that everything is so tiny and bland!”

“I think the word you search for is Midguardian, brother.” Loki adds under his breath. Jane and Darcy both give him mirror image slaps on either of his shoulders. Loki laughs quietly to himself as the girls glare at him. “I merely imply that the food is meager not the folk. I rather fancy this worlds inhabitants as you well know.”  His eyes flash to Darcy as he smiles. Darcy kisses his cheek in a rather violent manner. Loki’s smile widens to a grin as she knocks him into Thor with her sudden burst of movement. Thor laughs heartily at him. If there was any doubt who occupies the top floor of this restaurant, Thor’s laugh just extinguished it.

Barton has spent most of this conversation watching Natasha’s expression. He knows Nat knows he’s staring but she doesn’t give any indication of it nor does he stop. Tony does notice the awkward exchange going on between the two of them. It’s been happening more and more since the Chitari invasion. Tony elbows Clint.

“Hey Hawkward, I think you’ve got a layer of dust on your eyes.” Barton slowly turns his head so he can give Tony the worst death glare he’s ever received. Tony makes a face and jumps backward in feigned fear. “Holy crap Barton don’t take it personally! Geeze it’s okay I’m sure we can get you some Visine or something!” Clint rolls his eyes and backs off of Tony. Natasha stands up and pushes her chair in.

“I’m going to the ladies room. Somebody order me a salad.” She struts off in a huff that means death to whoever should dare cross her path. Barton does not excuse himself instead he just gets up and walks off to the bar to get something stronger than Gewürztraminer. Darcy’s eyes widen as she keeps her head down. Her eyes flash over to Loki and she can’t help but make a face. Loki, doing much the same thing relaxes once they’ve left. He exhales with relief and cocks his head slightly towards Darcy.

“In all of my wanderings I have yet to find a species that has so utterly perfected the lovers spat as humans have.”  Loki attempts to look grim even as the corners of his mouth ache to turn upwards. Thor lolls his head toward his brother and give him an expression that can simply be called, ‘ _really?_ ’ The waiter comes and takes their orders. Tony makes the whole process go by  very fast even as the twenty-something server tries to get their autographs. He is unsuccessful. As soon as the kid has left Tony puts both hands palms down on the table. His eyebrows go up and he makes a rueful smacking noise.

“That’s the problem with them. Love making? Probably. Lovers? I think not; at least not in the sense that you mean.” He briefly makes eye contact with Loki before focusing back on the table centerpiece. “ Then again there isn’t much sense in them trying to make a go of it anyway since they’re both SHEILD agents. From what I understand, when they aren’t on loan with us, they’re partners. Assassin partners, now that is a terrible concept.” Tony finishes his thought with a gulp of wine. Steve frowns at the idea of Barton and Natsha being kept apart.

“There’s a rule about fraternization in SHEILD?” Steve looks at the faces of those at the table. Tony shrugs. Darcy shakes her head.

“Not that I’ve heard of.” She says. “I’m no expert on SHEILD but it seems like they don’t have any rules about that, it’s just kind of frowned upon.” Now it’s Thor’s turn to look confused.

“But wouldn’t such a bond between partners be considered of benefit to warriors in such a situation?

“Yeah but my guess SHEILD would want them to put the mission above each other. Relationships shouldn't exist in those kinds of conditions.” Tony says with sorrow. Thor jerks his head back and scowls as if Tony somehow manufactured this situation. Loki crosses his arms and listens to his brother.

“Nonsense. On Asguard it is essential for young warriors to bond in such ways or else trust cannot be properly established between them. These bonds of close affection are vital. If you do not put the life of your comrades above the mission, the mission is foul! Nothing is more precious than the life of a fellow warrior. There is not wealth enough in Asguard to retrieve a life, but missions will always return aplenty!” Thor regards his brother for his opinion. Loki blinks slowly then grins.

“Well put. Perhaps we were made of the same stock after all.” Loki settles down without further comment. Tony shakes his head and laughs.

“I don’t think we’re talking about the same kind of ‘bonds’. Nat and Barton are you know intimate, sex, love couple stuff. Not Asguardian warrior bromance stuff.” Loki and Thor both look at Tony like he’s stupid. They hold this joined look of superiority long enough for Tony to consider something he hadn’t. “Unless Asguaridan bromance is….different than I had …previously considered.” To his horror, Tony slowly starts to realize how completely serious the two of them are being. Now Jane and Darcy give the brothers funny looks.

“Wait wha?” Both of them exclaim. Jane continues, “Okay please explain because clearly we’re all confused.” Thor looks at Loki and shrugs. Loki rolls his eyes knowing that, as always, he’s the one who gets to explain things.

“On Asguard we have a multitude of customs regarding the rearing of children. Particularly those who are intended to be warriors, mostly wealthy males, are expected to go through rites of passage. We have such long lives on Asguard that the distinction between child and adult, man and boy, is at best confusing. So in order to make these divisions we have adopted a sort of system of rolls we all play as we learn how to become warriors, and more importantly, men.  At first we are very much our mothers boys, she teaches us how to behave and our basic knowledge. Talking, walking, and playing with others are all things we are expected to be exposed to in our infancy. Once we reach our early childhood we begin play that is at first intended to build teamwork and later to practice innocent violence. When we are so young we mainly concern ourselves with games. At this time we are expected to form groups of friends of our similar social class. We grow up with our comrades from that early point onward. After our induction into violence we are taught how to fight properly, this occupies us greatly for much longer than any period other than adulthood itself. We do not hone our craft until later in life often after a great quest or prolonged journey. After we learn to fight at a level befitting of our talents we do go on journeys to prove our metal with a guide or as a group. These excursions are intended to build experience so that a young warrior returns knowing what it is to truly do battle. While away we are also encouraged to take up more scholarly pursuits. Perhaps not always as studious as mine, but a knowledge of things should be obtained. And then along with this knowledge of the world we are expected to gain knowledge of ourselves.” Loki chuckles lightly. “As Midguard would put it, we learn ‘sex-ed’, though not as humans do here. In Asguard we learn through experience. So we simple experience one another.” At this point everyone at the table, accept the Asguardians, is in a variation of stunned confusion. Thor doesn't under stand their lack of understanding.

“It would be demeaning and humiliating to go to bed with a lady with no knowledge of how to please her. We would not insult our precious women with such a distasteful show of ineptitude. Tis much better to try such things with those whose virtue is of no great concern.” Thor says it like it’s the most obvious tedious thing he’s ever done in his life. The rest of them look just down right shocked. Tony shakes his head to wipe the, no doubt, stupid look off his face.

“Okay I’m not one to judge. In fact, hell I’d be hypocritical to do so. But that does NOT fit with my mental perception of manly man-ness that defines all things Thor.” Tony drinks another gulp of wine from his glass.  Pepper does the same thing.The food and drinks had arrived during Loki’s explanation.

“Okay so…” Pepper begins. “While that is the strangest combination of sexism, bisexuality, and chivalry I have ever heard I have two questions.” She takes a deep breath. Thor waits for her to ask with indifferent patients. He doesn’t find this embarrassing in the slightest. Loki on the other hand begins to crack. Darcy is the only one who notices since she’s the only one who’s ever seen Loki embarrassed about anything. The only visible sign of his distress is a slight squint and just the subtlest stiffness in his brow. “First question, did you two go through this with your friends?” Loki opens his mouth to say something clever and ambiguous but Thor talks over him.

“Yes, but not with our friends that would be beneath us. It’s within our social class Loki and I are members of the royal family such bonding between us and another who is not would be seen as odd at best.” Steve can’t help it anymore he has to ask it’s been bothering him this whole time and he thinks he knows the answer, but he has to hear it from the horse’s mouth.

“Does that mean that you two…” Steve can’t say it. “‘bonded’ when you were kids?” Everyone goes silent as the elephant in the room sits on their table and squashes it.

"That was my other question..." Pepper adds.  Thor looks at Loki. For the first time that night, perhaps because he is also unsure of how to answer, Thor stops to consider his brothers wishes,. Loki knows at this point they were far too entrenched to come up with a clever alternative. He sighs, relenting that after all that they’d said he’d have to just admit the truth and bare it.

“Yes, that was our experience. It was centuries ago in your time and it does not bare the significance that it would here on Midguard.” No one spoke. Everyone sipped their drinks quietly and tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

Natasha and Barton arrived back at that moment. Barton cleared his throat awkwardly as he tried to make it look like he hadn’t just thrown his clothes back on even though his jacket’s inside out. Natasha looks fine except for her hair which is severely messy on one side. Both of them look guilty. Tony raises his eyebrows while still looking into the mid background.

“You guys chose an an excellent time to do something we would all normally mock. Because honestly, I think I speak for everyone when I say I’d rather just not try to make conversation at this point. The awkward level is already suffocating enough.” Tony cuts his dinner into much smaller pieces than it need be. Steve doesn’t touch the enormous sandwich in front of him. Barton looks at the bewildered state of the table.

“What the hell happened while I was gone?” Nobody answers that question.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki and Darcy leave together after twenty minutes of dying to get away from that awful conversation. Loki walks with his head down beside her. His hands are in the pockets of his suite jacket. Darcy hugs her shoulders as her eyes dart back and forth on the ground. Normally Loki would just bring them home with magic but neither of them had even thought about it. Loki finally stops abruptly he takes his hands out of his pockets and gently snags Darcy by the shoulder. She spins around to face him with relief. Before she can stop herself she blurts, “Okay are we gonna talk? Because we really need to talk before this gets any weirder than it already is!” Darcy tries desperately to keep herself under control. Loki purses his lips, he’s finally looking at her though. Darcy thinks that’s an improvement but it does nothing for the thick knot forming in her throat.

“Yes, it would be best if we discussed what was said-“ Loki stops suddenly as he realizes that Darcy is crying. His mouth hangs open he is as both concern and fear wash over him. “Darcy why are you-?“ He steps forward and touches her hand gingerly with the tips of his fingers. He’s afraid she’ll bat him away, that she’s disgusted with him, that she doesn’t want to be with him now that she knows. But Darcy surprises him. His breath hitches in his chest as she clutches onto his hand. Darcy wipes her eyes with her free hand. 

“I’m sorry it just suddenly makes sense. You two always did seem oddly close. Now I guess it all kind of fits. But he’s your brother, doesn’t that count as incest?” Darcy sniffs. She’s surprised at how forward she’s being. She’s horrified that she just used the word incest while referring to her boyfriend’s past relationships. Loki steels himself so he can answer as honestly as possible. He doesn’t want to upset her more but he can’t bring himself to curb the truth. Not now when with one false step I could lose her, he thinks 

“No it doesn’t, we were both male and incapable of producing progeny so the concept was simply ignored.” The sentence feels grotesque to him. He doesn’t want to tell Darcy about this.

“But you can have children, you HAVE had children!” Darcy bites her lip. Loki squints.

“Well yes, but we didn’t know that then.” Darcy clenches her hand tighter around his.

“I’m not even angry!” She bounces up and down slightly to get the anxiety to die down. “ I think I’m just, I don’t know jealous!?” Loki scowls at this.

“Of Thor?” This seems like a familiar, but in some ways completely alien, concept to him. Darcy nods.

“Yeah. You two have always just been glued to each other. And I knew I shouldn’t be, but I’ve always kind of envied that effortless faith you have in one another. I consoled myself by thinking; at least I have you in that way. And now as it turns out you and Thor even have that. I bet he was the first person you ever loved wasn’t he?” She can practically picture it and it makes her ache with sorrow. “It may have been just a tradition for him but it couldn’t have been for you.” Loki can’t breathe. “You feel too deeply for that. How long did you two stay lovers? It sure as hell wasn’t once!” Darcy has this helpless look of defeat on her face that burns Loki. He knows that his answers will not erase that pain. 

“Darcy it does not matter what has passed between my brother and I. He-“ Loki looks away and frowns. “He gave up on me a long time ago I wasn’t going to stay with him. We knew this from the beginning, relationships of that nature don’t last but the kinship that such things foster does. What you see between us is not some lingering passion for one another. It’s… it’s the knowledge that we have been as such. Asguardians do not let our guards down to anyone except those few who we take into our beds. Just because he and I are of that number to each other does not mean I cannot have such relationships with others. With YOU!” Darcy does not look comforted by this. Loki cringes and shouts nonsensical words in his native tongue. He inhales deeply to calm himself. “By the Nine Darcy you are foolish if you think I do not care for you just as deeply.” Loki ignores any potential protest she might have and hugs her to his chest. As he had hoped she clings to him affectionately. 

“I don’t know. I just can’t help but feel weird about it. I’ve had boyfriends who’ve had boyfriends and I’ve had boyfriends with ex’s before. It was fine then, I didn’t care about it I was always so weirdly cool with sharing. But I don’t want to share you!” Loki pulls her head flat against his chest and rests his chin atop it. He looks up at the heavens and purses his lips. 

“You share me with no one! Have we not just today discussed that I have nothing to fear from your internet fan service? You have absolutely nothing to fear from my relationship with my brother! We don’t even like each other half of the time!” Darcy groans.

“I know but you love each other all of the time! I just can’t help it!” Loki begins to panic he forces himself to let go of her. He backs away so that he can look her in the eyes. Darcy’s huge doe eyes look absolutely tragic on her tear stained face. 

“What must I do to destroy this feeling of woe in you? I can’t stand it when you’re sad.” Darcy’s shoulders go loose she takes a step forward and hugs back onto him. Loki can’t calm down anymore. He’s afraid that he’s created a rift between them. 

“I’ll get over it.” She sighs. “Just take me home and fuck me before I can think anything more.” Darcy says it with defeat. She’s not happy and this conversation has solved nothing. But physical contact might do some good, she thinks. Loki couldn’t be happier to oblige her request. Before she can blink Darcy is falling onto her bed with her boyfriend on top of her. 

…

“Unng,” she grunts as his hips smack into hers. Darcy tries to zone out and think about things that don’t involve Loki and Thor. Which should be easy considering her boyfriend, i.e Loki, is currently tearing away at her clothes as he too strips. All she can think is, Oh god, why are we doing this. This is stupid! Make- up sex is supposed to happen after you make-up, we haven’t made up yet! Well we kind of have, but that’s because there is nothing to be done for it! Shit! I really hope the only thing that gets screwed up here is… oh fuck Darcy booo no corny puns please, we are not fifteen. Loki has finished removing their clothes. Now the god of mischief is posed above her, naked, giving Darcy that uncertain look. There has been a distinct lack of touching which has been awkward. She feels like a department store manikin that has just been undressed. Loki knows this is awkward and that’s why he’s making it worse by waiting for her permission to, do stuff, she thinks. That’s it I’m done this is less sexy than math class! Darcy scoots backwards, but before she can speak Loki stands up and walks away.

“Loki?” Darcy is a little freaked out. Actually retract that statement; she is terrified. Without thinking she too gets up and proceeds to gallop naked through their apartment to find him. “ LOKI!!! Where did you go?! Please don’t hide.” In futility she searches for him under couch cushions that are far too small to conceal him. Her efforts fruitless, she tears off to look for him in the cabinets where they store canned foods. Darcy is either terrible at hide and seek or Loki is master level at it. 

Loki emerges from his study with a “Sherlock Holmes” pipe in his mouth while dressed in a fur skin rug Darcy bought from IKEA. He finds Darcy searching for him in the removable ceiling titles. It takes Darcy thirty seconds to notice he’s not hiding anymore. It takes her another thirty seconds of starring before she gives up on figuring out why he is dressed so oddly. 

“Is that my pipe?” Darcy says as she quirks an eyebrow at him curiously. Loki gracefully removes the pipe from his mouth as if he is about to say “Elementary my dear Darcy” which he, unfortunately, does not. Instead he makes a sort of pouty face and says,

“No. It’s my pipe; I bought it at an antique store because it reminded me of you. It still reminds me of you and that’s why I went to go and get it.” Loki pauses as he suddenly realizes that that is exactly why he had retrieved the oddly out of place item. After confirming this with himself he looks back up at her on the stool, waiting for her response. Darcy shifts her wait to one naked hip.

“So why’d you go get the rug?” Darcy’s facial expression doesn’t change. Loki quickly decides the reason.

“Because we’ve had sex on the rug, and it reminds me of you.” He nods to affirm his thought. Darcy’s stoic gaze crumbles as her smile blossoms. 

“Well if that’s your logic you should be wearing almost everything in this house!” Loki doesn’t give in to the temptation to laugh as he glances around at the room. 

“Yes I’d say that’s fairly accurate.” Darcy jumps off the stool landing on their overstuffed couch. Loki sits down beside her. Darcy takes the pipe out of his mouth and sets it on the table. Darcy leans back onto his shoulder letting Loki wrap his arms around her. Darcy sighs.

“I love this thing we’ve got going on.” Darcy says as she braids the little tassels at the end of an afghan that is draped on the couch. Loki nods. 

“I agree it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had with anyone. Except maybe my mother, but I don’t even know what to make of that anymore.” Darcy lets the room go silent enough to hear the cars whooshing passed outside. She worries her lip and leans her head back onto Loki.

“I don’t want this to end, but I know at some point it must.” Loki furrows his brow as he looks down at her.

“Why? I don’t want to leave you. I’m happy.” Loki admits. He knows Darcy is right for several reasons but they are too painful to face.

“For one thing I’m mortal.” Darcy begins, “and another, I don’t want you to have to watch me die as a little old lady. But most importantly, I think you were meant for someone else.” Loki strokes Darcy’s hair as he thinks. It aches to think of leaving her but he can still remember another time when he felt as sweat as he does now with Darcy. It was different then with him in some huge indescribable way but that is passed and it has nothing to do with Darcy Lewis.

“There’s no reason for us to break it off now.” Darcy makes a soft ugh-huh in response.

“And I don’t think we should do it now. But Loki honestly…” Loki pauses before finally relenting.

“You were right about how I love my brother.” Loki admits frantically like if he says the words fast enough it won’t hurt. It stings all the same. Darcy exhales slowly. 

“And I’m not going to be the one that messes with a thousand year old romantic saga.” Loki smiles softly but not as happily as he wishes.

“It’s not quite a ‘romantic saga’ but long and tumultuous does sum our relationship up well. Jane certainly doesn’t have the guilt that you bare. I think she’ll keep my brother-“

“If she can! No way is he going to pick her over you!” Darcy interjects. Loki snaps his head to look down at her in surprise.

“What?!” Loki says with a small snort. Darcy laughs. She wraps the afghan around them both.

“Loki I love having sex with you, you drive me nuts and I can’t stand it sometimes! But our relationship wasn’t built on sex it was built on commonality and humor-“

“I thought it was built on tumblr?” Loki mumbles. Darcy talks louder over him.

“And it was built on the fact that you are my best friend!” Loki cocks an eyebrow.

“I thought Jane was your best friend?” Darcy shakes her head.

“Not like you are. I don’t want to break up with you but I don’t want to keep you away from what we both know you really want.” Darcy scoots to the side so she can look Loki in the eye. Loki nods at her with understanding. 

“I don’t know what is going on with Thor and I. When I do I’ll tell you but until then I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you.” Darcy puts her hands up and smiles.

“Don’t worry about me. I get it, and I’m not really the jealous type just so long as you’re honest with me when it’s time to break this off. Until then can we just be what we are?” Loki nods and kisses her forehead.

“Yes, please let us be just that!” He says quietly. Darcy leans onto his chest content that with the moment, weird though it is.


End file.
